Sigh. I just have so much love inside me! I wish these people would hurry up and realise I could totally be the best thing that ever happened to them (and maybe, just maybe find my madness cute and endearing rather than deranged and stalker-like)…
Hey Dan. So, I’ve been waiting here pretty patiently for you to realise that we’re soulmates. No seriously, I figured it out maybe eight years ago – what’s taking you so long? But it’s okay; I’ll forgive you for making me wait, because I know the love we could share will be worth it, and besides, I get that you’ve been busy.
It’s not just that you’re maybe the sexiest man alive. I’ve always loved you for your brilliant mind and gentle personality and somewhat mystical aura – and that’s what makes you so special. Seriously, I didn’t even mind that much when you went and shaved off all your beautiful blond hair. There’s just something kind of ethereal about you, Dan, and I knew it before you went and got all seriously ripped and Adonis-like. When you showed up shirtless at Waveaid and everyone was suddenly saying, “Oh wow, he’s like, really hot” – I was saying, “What have I been telling you all for years?”
The thing is Dan, I get you. All that Neon Ballroom heaviness, I’ve been there, and for the longest time I thought you were the only one who would understand me. But now I’m in happy Young Modern sort of times, so it’s pretty perfect really.