Originally published in 3000Melbourne magazine.
Jon-Jon Goulian is one of the strangest people I’ve ever met. He’s also one of the sweetest, and his utterly lovable memoir is both heartbreaking and heart-warming, leaving you with an intense desire to give him a big hug – and maybe go out shopping with him.
For anyone who has ever felt like a fish out of water, Goulian’s story strikes a familiar chord. On the surface, there was no real reason why he should have felt out of place. Growing up in the sunny beachside town of La Jolla, San Diego, surrounded by a family of doctors and lawyers and political philosophers, and blessed with a sharp intelligence and talent for soccer, he was all set on a very conventional path towards success.
But at some point as a teenager, the expectations became paralysing. Plagued by an endless list of phobias, deeply insecure about his (mostly imaginary) physical flaws, and finding more things every day to fret about, Goulian was completely overwhelmed by fear, anxiety and self-loathing. His solution, without knowing why, was to start experimenting with androgyny. He shaved his legs, waxed his eyebrows, started wearing lip-gloss and eyeliner. Next came the sarongs, the leggings, the high heels. To this day at the age of 43, his midriff-skimming tank tops, low-waisted flannel skirts and chunky Steve Madden heels are all part of his signature look.
The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt is a brave and honest account of Goulian’s flailing search for a place in a world that doesn’t quite know what to do with him. It’s carefully crafted, with each chapter structured to explore a particular source of anxiety in his life, from food, to sex, to his body, punctuated with letters from his father and grandparents begging for help in understanding why he is “doing nothing” with his life.
Despite having a BA from Columbia and a law degree from NYU, he flits from one menial job to another, making just enough money to live. He’s instantly affectionate towards everyone he meets, but he still sometimes retreats into an apartment filled with stuffed animals, going for weeks or even months without talking to anyone. He is, in his own words, “vain, prissy, neurotic, body obsessed.” He declares, with a strange sort of pride, “I own nothing, save nothing, accomplish nothing tangible and have no permanent hold on life.”
And yet far from being self-pitying, Goulian tells his story with amusement. He places all his weirdness on the table and laughs at it, showing compassion towards himself at the same time as he realises how strange he is. For someone who has spent so much of his life feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, there is a strong sense of self that comes through in this book, and it threads his anecdotes together in a story of self-acceptance that is touching and inspirational, without being overly sentimental.